From Surviving to Thriving: Lillian’s Inspiring Story

Lillian, a cookstove entrepreneur in Nakuru County, Kenya, had retired for the night when her phone rang. It was one of her suppliers calling about an order. “I am sorry I am in bed now. I will call you in the morning,” Lillian said before hanging up.

Little did she know the brief phone exchange would be a turning point in her life. “My spouse insisted on knowing the caller and why he was calling at that hour. He accused me of hastily ending the call to hide something, implying I was having an affair. I was horrified,” recalls the 34-year-old businesswoman and a mother of three.

“My explanation did not satisfy him. I could sense he was seeking a confrontation. As we argued, he started raining blows indiscriminately on me. My mouth was bloodied. I pleaded with him to let me go instead of killing me,” she narrates about the January 14, 2019, incident, her eyes tearing up.

“I went out of the house and called my niece who lived nearby. She rushed over and escorted me to her home. That would be my last night in that home after a decade of abuse. I am lucky I survived.”

Lillian lived with her niece for two weeks before renting a house. “Being away from my abusive spouse brought me immense relief and freedom. No one was hurling insults and assaulting me. Through texts and emissaries, he implored me to return home, promising to change his behaviour. I recalled countless similar promises in the past and chose to forge ahead without him,” she says.

“My only concern after leaving him was my children. He had threatened them against visiting or living with me. I soon learnt they were suffering neglect, even attending school on empty stomachs. This distressed me. I reported the matter to the Children’s Department. After months of investigations, I was overjoyed to be reunited again with them again,” she says.

Lillian’s spouse was not always violent and abusive. When they met in 2007, he was cheerful and kind, but changed dramatically after they welcomed their first child.

“He used to assault or insult me at the slightest opportunity. I did not confide my suffering with others. I also did not report to the police since I had little faith in them. I stayed in the marriage because of my children. I do not know how I endured that long,” she says.

Four years after parting ways with her spouse, Lillian is still healing.

“I cannot help crying when I recall my ordeal. The emotional wounds are still there. But I feel much better about myself. I have regained my self-esteem and self-respect. Walking away from him was the best decision in my life. I wish I did it sooner,” she says.

Lillian is now focused on growing her cookstove business and raising her children. She has become one of the top sellers of fuel-efficient cookstoves introduced by Practical Action. The stoves use 30%-40% less charcoal or wood fuel than regular ones.

“My partnership with Practical Action has added new energy and purpose into my business and life. I learnt how to build and sell energy efficient-cookstoves which are now the top-selling item. They have boosted my income and business. In fact, I have employed five people,” she explains.

“The training and coaching I received empowered me to effectively manage my business and life in as a woman. Previously, I struggled with self-esteem issues, and did not believe I could make my own decisions and become self-reliant. I also learnt useful skills such as record keeping, marketing and customer service. For example, I no longer wait for walk-in buyers only. I do more outreach. This has increased my sales,” she says.

“My work is now more than a business. It is a cause. Every fuel-efficient cookstove I build and sell helps reduce the cutting of our precious trees to make charcoal or wood fuel,” she declares.

As a single parent, Lillian is glad the growing cookstove business enables her to raise her children independently. One of them is in university, while two others are in high school and primary school.

“I am proud of them. I am hopeful, they will grow up to be self-respecting adults who live well with others, including their spouses. For me, I have not given up on love despite the negative past experiences. I have drawn lessons from them. I urge fellow women not to tolerate or normalise abuse from their partners. Walk away and preserve your life and dignity,” she says.

Toll free help lines to report SGBV (Sexual and Gender Based Violence) and access support in Kenya 

• The National SGBV helpline 1195 
• Police helpline 999/112 
• UWIANO SMS Platform 10 
• Kimbilio SGBV helpline 1193 
• FIDA SMS platform 21661